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The fault in your stars

 

LO: Lucky Object ULO: Unlucky Object

 

^ Aries March 21- April 19 LO: conversation candy hearts ULO: spinach

Pluto and Mars have combined forces to make your life just a bit better this month! A small smile on your face will change your entire day and maybe it could even brighten up another’s!horoscopes.JPG

 

_ Taurus April 20- May 20 LO: vanilla macaroons ULO: sweater vests

The moon has been trying to mess you up, and it’s quite clear you’re in a slump. This will be a bumpy road. After everything clears up and tensions loosen, all will be fine, and you can once again enjoy your afternoon tea, stress free.

 

` Gemini May 21- June 21 LO: mushroom shaped candles ULO: hot pink ribbon

Mars will be sending you some creative energy, so keep a watchful eye out! It’s up to you whether you let these vibes control you or not, gorgeous Gemini. This month could be the worst or the best; it just depends on you to make the best of it.

 

a Cancer June 22- July 22 LO: dinosaur onesies ULO: Green Lantern rings

Jupiter decided to cut you some slack this month! Now’s the time to be trouble free and let loose a little; you definitely deserve it this time around. Enjoy everything and keep the party pumping!

 

b Leo July 23- Aug 22 LO: film cameras ULO: tofu

You’ve been working very hard lately, lovely Leo. Now, it’s time to take a break and relax a little. Saturn is encouraging you to go out for a night to treat yourself with your favorite dishes, just steer clear of the tofu.

 

c Virgo Aug 23- Sept 22 LO: highly caffeinated coffee ULO: pantyhose

Be thankful, oh voluptuous Virgo, for the stars are definitely in your favor this time around! Keep your hopes high and arms open for a thrilling month to come. All the small events are finally leading up to the main event.

 

d Libra Sept 23- Oct 23 LO: fiction library books ULO: clear nail polish

Saturn has been talking, and maybe it’s time you start listening. Those bad grades will come creeping around unless you pick up the textbook and actually read it for once. Maybe Facebook stalking your crush wasn’t the best idea in the end.

 

e Scorpio Oct 24- Nov 21 LO: pocket watches ULO:  ironing boards

Uranus and Saturn decided to pick on you this month. Sorry sweet Scorpio, but this isn’t easy to say: Be careful of what you do, and remember there’s always someone watching and waiting for you to fail.

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f Sagittarius Nov 22- Dec 21 LO: Pokemon trading cards ULO: faux peacock feathers

You’ve been trying to get ahead of the game for so long that you don’t even know where you are anymore. Now let’s not be hasty; maybe if you stepped off the fast track for a while, you could learn to enjoy the little pleasures in life.

 

g Capricorn Dec 22- Jan 19 LO: edible shimmer powder ULO: mechanical cats

It’s written in the stars that everything will eventually come back around. So think before you speak, o’ Cappy. I think it’s safe to say you better watch your own back, because at this point you can’t be sure if your friends really have yours or not.

 

h Aquarius Jan 20- Feb 18 LO: bow ties ULO: captain’s hats

Dress it up and wear it out! This is your month to shine, Aquarius! Be the center of attention with the stunning style choices you’ve come to create. Maybe your closet could be your sanctuary of the month.

 

i Pisces Feb 19- March 20 LO: scrap paper ULO: Hershey’s chocolate bars

Venus, the planet of love, is urging you to let it all out. Everything you’ve ever wanted to confess to a loved one should be said now, as Venus is with you. In the end, we’re all rooting for you, precious Pisces. 

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Joke of the Month

I saw a bumper sticker on a car that read, “I miss New York.” So I smashed its window and stole its radio.

                                                                                                                              -Jacob Ortega