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Quirky Horoscopes


by Shirley Zhu


*LO: Lucky Object  ULO: Unlucky Object

Capricorn 12/22 – 1/19

LO: Pencils ULO: Clocks

Dear Capricorn, you are very independent! Still, don’t forget to socialize with all your friends and even strangers. If you don’t, they’ll think you’re cold-hearted and snotty. Smile and wave more often, even if it’s to people that you don’t normally talk to but only see in the hallways!


Aquarius1/20 – 2/18

LO: Lamps ULO: Metal Rings

Have you been happy lately, Aquarius? Life seems to be going well, but you are unintentionally angering your lover. To mend your relationship, be more considerate and listen to them full-heartedly! They’re trying their best to understand you. They expect you to try too!


Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

LO: Dresses ULO: Tights

Your sweetheart has been annoying you when you obviously have other things to worry about. Try to be patient and understand their mood too; it’s not always about you! The two of you are sure to work it out if you both agree to sit down and talk about it! Don’t worry; everything will turn out just fine!


Aries 3/21 – 4/19

LO: Cards ULO: Expo Markers

You’re realizing that the person you thought you liked is actually someone you don’t fancy. Don’t stress over this; just go with the flow! Still, there might be some confusion in your life; take time to sort it out. Also, you are quite lazy and procrastinate a lot, but there is no doubt that you will be successful! Aren’t you lucky?!


Taurus 4/20 – 5/20

LO: Dumbbells ULO: Snacks

Your friends are holding onto your friendship by a thread. They love you with all their heart, but something seems to be blocking the good energy you guys once shared. Don’t want to lose them? Then be more sincere. Your friends can see through fake smiles and compliments.


Gemini 5/21 – 6/21

LO: String ULO: Vases

You are very popular Gemini, but a lot of people seem to have problems with you! Stick close to your core group of friends, but make sure they love you for you. Also, you are very brave, and your sweetie is appreciating the fact that you’re taking the initiative! Good job!

Cancer 6/22 – 7/22

LO: Pens ULO: Pokemon

Sometimes you offend people, but you’re actually a very sweet person! Still, you should watch what you say even if you’re just joking around. Male Cancers should try to be more sensitive, while female Cancers should try and be more confident! Also, your laid back attitude is admired, but make sure you aren’t slacking when it comes to work!


Leo 7/23 – 8/22

LO: iPods ULO: Skeletons

The end of the year is almost here, so hurry and talk to that cutie in class! They’ll be polite and smile at you, so there’s nothing to worry about! The worst result you could get is that they won’t notice you because you’re too soft spoken! Just take deep breaths and approach them calmly! You won’t regret it!


Virgo 8/23 – 9/22

LO: Homework ULO: Technology

Stop lagging you silly Virgo! You might not think it matters, but it is very important to shape up and stop being a procrastinator! Bad grades will prove to bring lots of misfortunate. On the up side, you have your eye on a new cutie! Hooray! They notice you too!


Libra 9/23 – 10/22

LO: Bottles ULO: Stars

Sweet Libra, you’ve been stressing out about your sweetheart! If you’re in a relationship, make sure you tell them how much you love and care about them. If you’re single, then just confess your love! After your confession, you’ve basically done your work, and now they just have to meet you half-way. You’re way too good to pass up!


Scorpio 10/23 – 11/21

LO: Sticks ULO: Candy

You get angry easily, but fret not because you’ll forgive soon. That cutie pie you’re always checking out is actually paying attention to you too! Don’t worry; everything will go smoothly! Also, don’t over-think simple situations because you’re just troubling and confusing yourself!


Sagittarius 11/22 – 12/21

LO: Flowers ULO: Salad

Grow some self confidence you silly Sagittarius! People can make many hurtful comments to you, but you don’t have to believe them! You’ve been feeling sad because you don’t see your self-worth. You can’t see how amazing you are, but the people are you can, and they’re thankful for you.


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